If I asked you if you if you'd rather show up at an event overdressed or underdressed, I'm pretty sure you'd say the former rather than the latter. I guess it's better to be a little bit too fancy than be slumming in jeans when all around you look glam. For most of us, this strategy applies to the occasional parties and functions where we find ourselves unsure of the dresscode. For Molly, to be attired in a ballgown while surrounded by folks in jeans and yoga pants is a daily occurance.
For those who know Molly, her personal style is well known; girly. Her level of devotion to her Sleeping Beauty dress is such that my mother-in-law refers to it as her "uniform". It is almost unheard of for her to wear pants. Leggings under a dress are okay but actual pants are not. She is very fond of accessories and takes great care to choose an assortment to compliment her look. Today she had change out of her Sleeping Beauty dress because we couldn't find a tiara. And Sleeping Beauty wears a tiara. Thank god Cinderalla wears a hairband. I swear I'm not making this up. She is very fond of Disney Princesses and has a wide range of items bearing their various liknesses.
It's no secret to Molly that I'm not really fond of her sartorial choices. Someone once complimented her on her outfit and her response was "thanks, my Mummy hates pink". The roots of this dislike are varied. For one thing I'm a jeans and t-shirts kind of girl. Sure, I like to slip on a frock and heels from time to time but my wardrobe is mostly about function, not fashion (okay, fine, my wardrobe is mostly about what's on sale at Zellers). I really can't wrap my head around choosing to wear a dress and tights on a daily basis.
Her fancy outfits are a daily reminder of my many failed efforts to bring her look more in line with my vision for how little girls should dress. I once swore she would never wear the princess dresses out of the house. I can't now pin-point the moment that intention went out the window; I only know that one day I was standing in a grocery store with a little girl in a Sleeping Beauty dress and this little girl was my daughter. And I was eating my words. I used to insist that she had to wear a complete "proper" outfit under the princess dress (my logic was that she might need to remove the dress in case we went to the park - turns out you can climb the monkey bars in gown if you're suitably motivated). I have tried endlessly to get her to wear pants. I pushed the sensible shoes. Over time all these efforts and more have fallen by the wayside. I may have given up trying but it didn't mean I was any happier with her clothing choices.
The main reason for my dislike, of course, are the ideas and images that go hand in hand with all this super-girly behaviour. The messaging in the Disney Princess books literally makes my skin crawl. In my mind looking like a girly-girly is equated with all sorts of behaviours and beliefs that I don't want anywhere near my girl. I sure don't want Molly thinking she's not up to any task, that her main purpose is to be a pretty face, or that she needs to be focusing on getting a prince to marry her.
But in the course of agonizing over what to buy her ladyship for Christmas, my wise Mummy made a very astute observation; did we agonize so much over what to buy Gabriel? The answer was no. From Thomas to Transformers to Lego, we've pretty much gone with whatever he was in to. So is it fair to deprive Molly of the things that so clearly make her happy? Is it fair to try and make her wear jeans when she doesn't want to? Am I really imparting morals in doing so or just coming off as a mean, unfair Mummy? Slowly I've come to realize that it's not only a waste of time trying to change her ways, saying she can't wear a fancy dress doesn't actually teach her anything about the kind of person I want her to be. If I think there are messages out there that aren't a good influence, I need to face them head-on.
So, I'm trying to stress less and enjoy the quirky little pink person that she is. I still don't like the dresses. Or the tiaras. Or the satin gloves (she got gloves for Christmas). But I love Molly. And I tell myself that there will be many chances over the years to tell her that she can be anything, do anything, go anywhere. That she doesn't need a prince to help her do any of it, but she can, if she wants to, do it all in a dress. I'm 100% sure about that last part because she shows me everyday.
I told cousin Kerrilee, who's expecting twin girls today (yay!), not to fight the pink. "It's bigger than you," I said. "Disney is much, much bigger than you." I think I frightened her a little bit, but I didn't mean to. I just meant, it's going to happen despite any efforts on her part and she'll have more valid battles to wage -- and ones she can actually win -- in the coming years! Great post, again. :)
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